A new post - a story to share

I'm not even sure that I will ever post this blog. I have spent the last week trying to allow myself to grieve for my grandfather and have found myself in the midst of many weird feelings and emotions, including guilt (not an unfamiliar arena for my emotions and myself). Although it wasn't were I expected to go. I decided that I should write this story because it is what comforts me and I hope that someday my kids will read/hear this story and enjoy reading it as I enjoyed hearing stories about how my grandparents met, what their courtship was like and ....
My parents were divorced when I was young and I am of the opinion that one of the greatest choices that my mother made was moving back to be close to her parents, G'pa Jess & G'ma Lora. Since I was so young when this happened I don't remember a time in my life that G'pa & G'ma weren't in my life. We spent every holiday with them, July 4th was my favorite as this was their anniversary and G'ma would often laugh and say that others celebrated their independence while she'd give hers up on this day! She'd always laugh and you could tell that it was a decision that she was thankful she'd made. I suppose it is a bonus that my family was so small, I can list the crew here and not take up too much space: G'ma, G'pa, Mom, Debbie, Mark and myself. We thankfully added two terrific guys to the mix, my dad - Al and our Michael (Debbie's other half). Needless to say we were a small but mighty group and we were close, how could you avoid it? One of the greatest gifts I got from this arrangement was my Saturday night routine, Love Boat, Fantasy Island, peanuts and unconditional love! Mark and I spent more Saturday nights with G'ma & G'pa than I can count and each of them consisted of these similarities - G'pa and Mark spent time in the shop (not sure what was in there, I just know that often I got to play in sawdust that was swept out) and G'ma and I made dinner, did the dishes and played games (dress-up and balloon toss come to mind rapidly). I was priveleged to "help" G'ma make homemade pizza and she knew everything we liked and made sure it was there and ready for our pizza. My favorite thing was black olives and I think that my penchant for these worried her because eventually she put bells on my feet to keep me from eating too many and it prevented me from scaring her when I would sneak up to eat them. After the supper was finished and the dishes cleaned we would make our way back to G'ma & G'pa's room where we'd cozy up between them and watch our shows. I remember some of those Fantasy Island's were kind of scary but I don't ever remember having nightmares or being scared while I was at that house on Broadway. I was safe and secure there! I talked to my brother the other day about some of these memories and the neat thing is that we have similar memories - only he knows what happened out there in that shop. I belonged to G'ma and he belonged to G'pa. Since we lost G'ma about a little over 10 years ago I've made every effort to call my G'pa and let him know I was thinking about him, I knew that G'ma would have wanted that even though I remember when she first passed away and I called he seemed baffled and not sure why I would call him. Soon we feel into an understanding, I'd call whenever I could, whenever I was thinking about him and he'd let me yell at him for a minute (maybe two) and then we both felt good about "talking" to each other. This last weekend I was in a quiet car (hard to find being the mother of 4) and I had the urge to call G'pa, this was a opportune time to call him. At that moment I had a sharp stab or sadness followed very closely by guilt, guilt that my desire to call him was a time when I didn't have anything else happening (as if I was bored and calling him would entertain me). I quickly shook myself out of that stupor and realized that we had a deal, he knew I loved him, I knew he loved me and we touched base when we could and I knew that I still had that connection with my amazing grandparents. Now I sit here and that connection has been lost, I'm left with the memories and thankful for them. I have always wanted my kids to have this kind of relationship with their grandparents - it has always been a goal of mine. I couldn't imagine growing up without knowing these two people who loved me through it all and that is what I want to give back to my kids. So to all Grandparents out there - the way you touch the lives of your grandkids is monumental, never underestimate the silly games you make up, the days you take off to spend with your sick grandkids, and including grandkids in your hobbies.